Ask Uncle Issa - Answer With a Pinch of Pepper

  Ask Uncle ISSA Disclaimer:  Uncle Issa advises you to take   the information below with a pinch of salt. These are my humorous observations, not a recipe for relationship bliss. If you need expert advice, find it elsewhere, not here. Read till the end, with a smile! Question: I am 36 years old. My last meaningful relationship was when I was in my 20s. I was engaged to a man who opened doors for me, pulled chairs out before I sat down, and always asked if I was okay or needed some help. I felt like a princess. His rich parents wanted him to marry someone from a well-off family. To make it worse, I had some baggage from another relationship—a son. To frustrate me, they found him a college in the US and organised his transport and stay there, and so our relationship came to a halt. Since then I have never loved another man, and in any case, after every date, the man never calls. I have looked inside and tried to work on my diet and figure, but my men keep disappearing. I ...

  Ask Uncle ISSA A reader asks how to grow hair on a bald head—and Uncle Issa delivers three eccentric, hilarious, and maybe-questionable remedies rooted in Kenyan humor Kenyan man visualizing hair growth—Uncle Issa humor Disclaimer:  Uncle Issa advises you to take   the information below with a pinch of salt (or maybe some chili. These are my humorous observations, not a recipe for growing hair or a guarantee for a bushy head. If you need expert advice, find it elsewhere, not here. Read till the end, with a smile! Question: Dear Uncle Issa. I am asking this knowing fully well that you have no hair on your head. I have a bald head too and have made a New Year's resolution to grow some hair. Help me with a workable solution even though you seem quite comfortable with your ‘fly airport head.’ Answer: Dear Ambitious Hairless, Thanks for noticing my fly airport head. Hardly anybody notices my bald head, except of course the insects, as you have remarked; my head is a classi...

  Ask Uncle ISSA Disclaimer:  Uncle Issa advises you to take   the information below with a pinch of salt. These are my humorous observations, not a recipe for relationship bliss. If you need expert advice, find it elsewhere, not here. Read till the end, with a smile! Question: My name is Brave Saul. I want to introduce my mistress to my wife, but she doesn't think it's a good idea. How do I do it painlessly for both my mistress and my wife? Answer: Dear Brave Saul, Wow, you’re really living on the edge, aren’t you? In the army, you would be a two-star general. But this sounds like the plot for a romance movie. Not too many people I know would like to bring TNT and dynamite together, but hey, if you’re determined to navigate this minefield (not to mention the resulting explosion), here are three options: The Surprise Party : First things first: If you’ve ever considered having a bodyguard, there’s no better time than now. Get one before you do this. Throw a surprise par...

  Ask Uncle ISSA Disclaimer:  Please be aware that the preceding response contains elements of humour and sarcasm intended for entertainment. For professional guidance on marital issues, please consult with a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist. Question: My name is Double Dee. I'm married, and I love my wife very much. She has never given me a reason to doubt her love for me. But my secretary is in love with me and has openly told me so. She’s good-looking, and frankly, I like her as a secretary. Now I am in a dilemma as I do not want to offend or hurt her. What do I do? Answer: Dear Double Dee, Ah, the classic office romance conundrum, straight out of a soap opera script! But it seems this time it is one-sided. Many people would not complain about such an envious situation.   First off, congratulations on being so irresistible—is it a blessing and a curse? Let’s try to be positive for once. I had a similar problem soon after my wedding. But in my case, she got ...

                                                    Kenyan man with tummy smiling—body positivity Disclaimer:  This article is intended for humorous entertainment purposes only. The advice provided should not be taken as professional medical or dietary advice. Consult with a qualified healthcare professional for any health concerns. Ask Uncle Issa My name is BeeGee. My problem is that I have a big tummy. I am a bit overweight, but it is my tummy that is worrying me a lot. Unfortunately, it seems to be growing bigger. What's even worse is that I am short, and that makes it more visible. I need your help. Answer: Dear BeeGee, Ah, the classic tummy dilemma. First of all, let me just say, congrats on having a tummy! Some people are out here with existential crises, and you have a very tangible one—how lucky. Other people are six feet under and wishing their ...