Ask Uncle Issa: How to Handle a Vindictive Ex and Still Find Love
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Ask Uncle Issa
Question: in the course of my studies, I fell in love
and got a son. However, that relationship was doomed and my girlfriend left
with the baby. I covered all the cost and to this day I still contribute to the
child’s needs willingly. But my ex has ensured that I do not see the child or
speak to him even by phone. I suffer from her insults every time I try to
convince her to let me speak to my son. I last set my eyes on him over six
years ago, yet the boy is now eight-years-old. But she does not hesitate to
call when she’s in need, which I translated as a need for my son. Since I only
want the best for him, I usually send the money that she asks for.
When I fall in love with another girl, she uncannily finds
out and even gets her number. She starts to call my girlfriend, insults her and
tells her a lot of lies about me. Eventually she gives the girl an ultimatum-To
leave me or have to face her. Several girls have given up and left me. Even
three girls that I was engaged to at different times opted to quit the marriage
preparations due me ex’s threats. Uncle Issa, please Help me. There must be a
solution to this problem.
Answer: Let me
get this. Did you go to college to get a degree or to start a day care? A+ for
multitasking my friend! Any way Mr. Ex-boyfriend, it’s already happened
but guess who was left holding the baby? – your ex-girlfriend. So she is right
in asking for money for one thing or the other, which you gladly give, being a
responsible dad. But is she right in denying you access to the boy? Not at all.
She is using the boy as a weapon to hurt you. And if that’s not enough she
makes sure you do not have a relationship outside the narcissistic one-sided
one that she has with you. Don’t worry son. Uncle Issa is here to give you
unbridle advice. So I see your problems as only two. Notably to:
1.
have
access to your son
You have done well to provide for your son. It wasn’t his fault
that his mother and you got together in the first place or that you ended up
being as compatible as a hyena and warthog.
But as I said. His mother is using him as a weapon to blackmail you into
supporting her lifestyle. Don’t believe all that baloney that all your
contributions go into making your son comfortable. But I get it. You love your
son, but you must start also to use him as a human shield for his own good.
Either you get him over weekends to spend the day with him or the money faucet
runs drier than a desert in a drought! It’s within your right to spend nights
with him, but I wouldn’t advise it. Be content with demanding for a 6 am to 6
pm for both Saturdays and Sundays. If that works, spoil the boy by taking to a
new place every weekend and make her really jealous. The game park, The giraffe
centre, the museums, a children’s park with go-carts or even for a short joyride
to the next town in an aircraft. just make sure hand him back by 6 m.
If she doesn’t accept to this arrangement, get yourself a
good lawyer and file a case at the children’s court. Arm yourself with receipts
and records like a responsible warrior prepping for battle—courts love evidence
more than kids love candy. If there’s one thing courts hate, it’s parents who
weaponize their kids. Determine also what your child really needs and do
it yourself. Like paying school fees directly to the school or buying him shoes
and clothes without giving her money. Don’t give her money for one thing or the
other. If she
calls about random “emergencies” that aren’t about your son, hang up faster
than a scammer realizing you’re broke. If it’s about your son’s medical
problem, rush to the doctor’s receptionist at breakneck speed.
What is this? that the last time you saw your son was five
years ago? Your son is not an eclipse. He goes to school, doesn’t he? Unless your ex also owns the school, any
sensible school head teacher will let you see the boy during school hours if
you explain your case. Even if your ex gets to know, she cannot order a Head
teacher not to let a boy talk to his father as long as you don’t look like a
kidnapper.
2.
stop
your ex from meddling with girlfriends
This is where the story really begins. That any time you
find someone to love, your ex finds somehow finds out and threatens her until
there is a break up. How does this happen, unless you are dating her cousins or
advertising your relationships on billboards! Can’t you find love
further away and keep it a secret? How does she go as far as finding out who it
is, and the phone number? Did you date someone from the secret service?
Losing three fiancées and a few girlfriends because of an
ex shows that you didn’t deserve them in the first place. It isn’t just bad luck—it’s a
disaster. But since you have come to Uncle Issa, here’s a survival kit: Time to make a
resolution—new job, new town, new life. Far away from Ex-Girlfriend
Surveillance Inc. Start fresh,
far from her prying eyes. If she’s this committed to ruining your life, she
probably has spies in your current town. Once the job comes through,
move and find love in that town. Next, ensure that your fiancée knows about
your controlling ex. Sugar coat the story so that you have a staunch ally. Start fresh, far from her prying
eyes. If she’s THIS committed to ruining your life, she probably has spies in
your current town. By the time your ex sniffs out your new love, you
will already be married, thanks to uncle Issa’s advice.
Just
remember: boundaries are your best friends, and your ex isn’t the boss of your
happiness. If you want to keep losing fiancees and girlfriends due to
your ex’s machinations, that’s up to you. Keep ignoring my advice, and I'll
nominate you for the Guinness World Records—Most Dumped Man in History,
Courtesy of One Determined Ex.
Uncle Issa
Uncle Issa thanks you for sitting through the rants, giggles, and tales of near-edible Githeri.
If any of it made your day a little sharper—or stranger—consider
buying him a coffee.
The kettle’s always on, and your support means he keeps the firewood stocked.
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