Should I Tell My Daughter to Leave Her Marriage?

 Ask Uncle Issa

Disclaimer: Please be aware that the preceding response contains elements of humour and sarcasm intended for entertainment. For professional guidance on how to relate with your daughters, sons, or marital issues, please consult with a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist.

Question: I have a problem with my daughter’s marriage. I really want the best for her. Her husband does not treat her well, and my daughter keeps telling me how unhappy she is. I call very often to see how they are living, and she does not have a complaint or two. What should I do? I sometimes tell her to quit her marriage to have some peace of mind. As a parent, what should I tell my daughter? Please help.

Answer: Thank you for trusting Uncle Issa with this delightful drama—sorry, complex problem. It is so complicated that I want to hang up my boots and try another profession, like keeping free-range chickens.  Or start a podcast titled "Marital Woes and Nosy Parents. But I am going to give it a try because, who knows, I just might get a call from my daughter and have to listen to her domestic chronicles.

Here’s what you tell your daughter:

1. You’re a grown-up now. Act like it.

I brought you up to stand for yourself. You are an adult now. Make your own decisions. Stay or leave. Just don’t bother giving me a blow-by-blow update. I will know you have left him when I see you at my doorstep with a suitcase and a face full of regrets. I have my own problems to worry about. When I call, I expect jokes, laughter, and a question about my well-being for once. After all, you chose him. You did not involve me in your choice, did you?

2.       Two sides to every story

The law of natural justice says you have to listen to the accuser and the defendant. Next time you want me to know how unhappy you are in your marriage, allow me to also hear his side of the story. You may be the problem. Maybe your cooking scares him into eating at his mother’s every day. Or perhaps you talk so much he needs noise-canceling headphones to ask for his socks. Maybe the poor man is just trying to survive in a house shared with you, your complaints, and a battalion of mice and a platoon of cockroaches There could be so many reasons why you are unhappy, and one place to look is inside you. Next time, let’s bring him to the table and get his side of the story before I declare anyone a victim.

Phew, that was a complex problem. Did you ask me what you should do because your daughter yaps about how unhappy she is in her marriage? You need to take a holiday, single parent. Book yourself a one-way ticket to the Mara to see the wildebeest migration. Nature’s dramas are much more relaxing. That should keep you occupied for some time.

So the hard truth is you are the problem, not your daughter. You’re a meddling executive producer of a marital telenovela. Let your daughter sort her life out, and go live yours.

 Uncle Issa

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