Should I keep my cheating girlfriend?

 Ask Uncle Issa.

Disclaimer: Please be aware that the preceding response contains elements of humour and sarcasm intended for entertainment. For professional guidance on marital issues, please consult with a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist.

Question: 

I've been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend for nearly four years. During this time, I focused on building a stable future for us, including constructing a house and achieving financial security. We even started visiting each other's parents as part of our wedding plans. However, two months ago, she began acting distant. When I asked if something was wrong, she assured me everything was fine. Then, while I was at her house, a message from another man came through, asking her not to abort his child. She later admitted she is four months pregnant. I'm heartbroken but still love her deeply. Should I forgive her or walk away? I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed. Please advise.

Answer.

Hello, Dilema King. First of all. Congratulations. You’ve just unlocked the “Unexpected Fatherhood Drama. Let’s address the elephant in the room—or rather, the baby in the womb. Your cheating girlfriend is pregnant. I hope the child inherits your nose, ears, or even lips. HahaHa. You did not say it is your baby because you do not know. After four years, it may well be your baby. If I were in your shoes, I would give her some money to go shopping for baby products, pay for antenatal care, and make sure she is well nourished. After all, you want a healthy baby, don’t you? You asked for my advice, and here it is.

Why are you stressed, baby boy? Did she tell you the baby is not yours? And if she did, how can she be so sure after you have been together for four years? Listen carefully, Dilema Prince. It is okay to cheat as long as she is not cheating on you. She is cheating on the other guy. Poor guy thinks it’s his baby. That is the least of your worries. What if she goes ahead with the abortion and aborts YOUR BABY? Think of the lost four years. Do you get it? She is not cheating on you. She is cheating on the other guy. Here’s the plan: Wait till the baby is born. If it looks like the other guy whom you have not even seen, run. Run and only stop when you see where the sun really goes at sunset. And remember, Dilemma King: life’s too short to be the loyal sidekick in someone else’s love triangle. Good luck!

 Uncle Issa

..........................................................................................................................................................

Uncle Issa thanks you for sitting through the rants, giggles, and tales of near-edible Githeri.
If any of it made your day a little sharper—or stranger—consider buying him a coffee.
The kettle’s always on, and your support means he keeps the firewood stocked.