My married man of a10 year relationship does nothing for his son

 Ask Uncle Issa

Disclaimer: Please be aware that the preceding response contains elements of humour and sarcasm intended for entertainment. For professional guidance on marital issues, please consult with a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist.

Questions: I have been in a relationship on and off with a married man for 10 years. We even have a six-year-old son, but he has only seen the boy about five times. When he feels like it, he sends KS. 5000, which could be after three months. Apart from that, he has never done anything for the baby and even did not pay the local clinic when I delivered. He doesn’t care what his son eats, whether he has any health needs, or whether he even goes to school. He goes to the local public school in my estate because I cannot afford to take him to a private academy. His children by his wife, on the other hand, attend expensive private school. I have tried to at least get help from him with school fees, but he never says yes or no. He leaves the matter hanging in the balance.

He calls me when he feels like it, and surprisingly, I am always there for him. When he does, he never asks about his son. He just tells me where to meet him, and I have to make arrangements for the boy’s care. What should I do? My son’s needs are increasing by the day, and I feel that he should be very concerned about his son. I am not planning to have another with him, since this experience tells me my problems will double. What should I do?

Answer: You have been in an off-and-on relationship for 10 years! Are you trying to break a record? Why don’t you call the Guinness World Records and aim for a category—the longest on-and-off relationship? Let me be blunt before I even answer your question: After 15 years of an on-and-off relationship, your will have expired—yes, no shelf life. You will be at the end of your sell by date if it hasn’t reached already. And when that happens, your deadbeat man will not call occasionally—he will never call.

Which serious father has only seen his son five times in ten years? At your 15th anniversary, he will have seen the boy for a record nine years, probably through his car window. And that’s if he feels like turning his lazy head to look through the window. Like when he feels like it, he sends Kesh. 5000 after three months. That is 40 times in ten years and 60 times in 15 years. And guess what. That would make you richer by Ksh 300,000 in the fifteen-year period. Why doesn’t he give you the Ksh? 300,000 now. He can afford it. After all, his children are in expensive schools where he probably pays twice that much per term per child. Did you say your son is also HIS son?

You say he has never done anything for the boy, so this 300,000 is the reparation. It’s for all that pain of having to see him through a car window. Damn, it makes the boy sound cheap—double it to Ksh. 600,000, and if he refuses, get help from the child welfare department. He will regret having refused to part with such a paltry sum when they slap him with child support for the next 12 years when the boy will be 18 years of age. He will not be noncommittal, and neither will he leave a court directive hanging. With child support, you won’t have to worry about him not worrying about what the boy eats or whether he has any health issues or even where he goes to school. You might even decide to upgrade him to an international school. What the heck, aim higher than his children in costly private schools.

He will most likely feel like calling you less often since he will already have your bank details where the child support will be deposited. But in case he calls, be there to hand over the receiver to his son. Don’t be there for him. Don’t meet him. You have already met more than him in the last 10 years. You won’t have to think about your increasing needs ever again. Another thing: plan on getting another man, but this time, use your head. Babies come after commitment, not the other way round. Not babies, then commitment..

Uncle IssaAsk Uncle Issa

Questions: I have been in a relationship on and off with a married man for 10 years. We even have a six-year-old son, but he has only seen the boy about five times. When he feels like it, he sends KS. 5000, which could be after three months. Apart from that, he has never done anything for the baby and even did not pay the local clinic when I delivered. He doesn’t care what his son eats, whether he has any health needs, or whether he even goes to school. He goes to the local public school in my estate because I cannot afford to take him to a private academy. His children by his wife, on the other hand, attend expensive private school. I have tried to at least get help from him with school fees, but he never says yes or no. He leaves the matter hanging in the balance.

He calls me when he feels like it, and surprisingly, I am always there for him. When he does, he never asks about his son. He just tells me where to meet him, and I have to make arrangements for the boy’s care. What should I do? My son’s needs are increasing by the day, and I feel that he should be very concerned about his son. I am not planning to have another with him, since this experience tells me my problems will double. What should I do?

Answer: You have been in an off-and-on relationship for 10 years! Are you trying to break a record? Why don’t you call the Guinness World Records and aim for a category—the longest on-and-off relationship? Let me be blunt before I even answer your question: After 15 years of an on-and-off relationship, your will have expired—yes, no shelf life. You will be at the end of your sell by date if it hasn’t reached already. And when that happens, your deadbeat man will not call occasionally—he will never call.

Which serious father has only seen his son five times in ten years? At your 15th anniversary, he will have seen the boy for a record nine years, probably through his car window. And that’s if he feels like turning his lazy head to look through the window. Like when he feels like it, he sends Kesh. 5000 after three months. That is 40 times in ten years and 60 times in 15 years. And guess what. That would make you richer by Ksh 300,000 in the fifteen-year period. Why doesn’t he give you the Ksh? 300,000 now. He can afford it. After all, his children are in expensive schools where he probably pays twice that much per term per child. Did you say your son is also HIS son?

You say he has never done anything for the boy, so this 300,000 is the reparation. It’s for all that pain of having to see him through a car window. Damn, it makes the boy sound cheap—double it to Ksh. 600,000, and if he refuses, get help from the child welfare department. He will regret having refused to part with such a paltry sum when they slap him with child support for the next 12 years when the boy will be 18 years of age. He will not be noncommittal, and neither will he leave a court directive hanging. With child support, you won’t have to worry about him not worrying about what the boy eats or whether he has any health issues or even where he goes to school. You might even decide to upgrade him to an international school. What the heck, aim higher than his children in costly private schools.

He will most likely feel like calling you less often since he will already have your bank details where the child support will be deposited. But in case he calls, be there to hand over the receiver to his son. Don’t be there for him. Don’t meet him. You have already met more than him in the last 10 years. You won’t have to think about your increasing needs ever again. Another thing: plan on getting another man, but this time, use your head. Babies come after commitment, not the other way round. Not babies, then commitment..

Uncle Issa

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