I have this urge to give him a child but unfortunately he is not interested

 

Disclaimer: Please be aware that the preceding response contains elements of humour and sarcasm intended for entertainment. For professional guidance on relationship issues, please consult with a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist.

Ask Uncle Issa

Question: I am 36 years of age. My Boyfriend is 43. He makes me really happy and there is talk of settling down. I have this urge to give him a child but unfortunately he is not interested. In fact he has intimated that he doesn’t want to have any children now and in the future. His 12 year old daughter is being brought up by a woman from his past. I can’t imagine life without him, but I really need to start having children. After all, at 36 I am not getting any younger. How can I can make him understand that his 12 year old does not count as OUR child, since she is with her mother? Please help.

Answer: Hello 36er. I remember when I was 36, unmarried and without a child. But that is where the similarity ends. You see, I am a man. Fortunately, my spouse wanted children and one was born the following year. So yes, I hear you. First of all, if he makes you really happy, and also wants to marry you, settle down with him.  You do not have to convince him to have a child. You are the one who will have the child. You don’t need his approval. You need his commitment—the ring. You have womb, ovaries, hormones—the entire baby-making kit. Most men know that they have a child when the woman tells them. They sow and forget it ever happened. They can’t just decide to have a baby. Do you get it sister? The mistake you have made is to jump the gun.

This is a project and phase one is to get the ring and get him into a house – the house that the two of you co-own. Phase two is when you drop the all important words – Honey, we are pregnant. Make sure to say WE not I. He has to own the product. What’s he going to do? Argue? What choice will he have? He will congratulate you and order a large pizza for you. Make sure you get the same pizza everyday for the next nine months.

About the daughter he has. Don’t ever mention her unless he brings up the subject. Let’s be real—she’s his daughter, not yours.  If he does, remind him that she is very comfortable in the care of her mother and she is not in diapers. You want to play mother by suckling a baby in diapers, touch their cheeks and say googoo gaagaa. Make it sound like it’s all for him, not you. You want a baby with your man’s mother’s lips, his nose and his father’s ears. It’s not about you. If you make it all about him, he’ll be so flattered he won’t even know what hit him. He will wrap you in his arms and thank you. As for me you can thank me later.

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