I feel like staying at home and not reporting to work

 Ask Uncle Issa

Disclaimer: Please be aware that the preceding response contains elements of humour and sarcasm intended for entertainment. For professional guidance on psychology and personal issues, please consult with a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist.

Question: I am thirty years old, and in one decade In one year I will hit the 40th year mark. I am very uncomfortable with myself, and nobody loves me really. Life looks so hopeless, and I am not happy with my workstation. My supervisor is always complaining about my output, with my workmates always performing much better than me. In the mornings I feel slothful, sleepy, and not ready to go to work. When I think of work, I sweat a lot, especially the palms of my hands, and really shiver and tremble. If there were a man in my life, things would be a little better, I think. I feel like staying at home and not reporting to work, but I need the money at the end of the month. I finally end up at work every day. By the end of the day I feel better, but my output remains impaired. Please help me. You are the only one who knows this problem, which is really wearing me down. 

Answer: Your problem may look complicated, but it’s really very simple. It is an anxiety disorder. This is classic anxiety, probably holding hands with a sprinkle of self-esteem issues. It is also probably triggered by a variety of phobias and the condition at work. First, let’s talk about that "nobody loves me" part. Sweetheart, love starts at home—by which I mean yourself. Be your number one cheerleader. Work on your looks and attract those whistles. When you walk into work, own the room like you’re strutting a runway. Get your boss really uncomfortable, not with your work but with your newly discovered looks. Trust me, when people see confidence, they stop looking at spreadsheets and start looking at you. You will be surprised how much your boss will be praising your work before you even start working. Soon your colleagues will be envious due to the attention you are getting from your boss. And if he is good-looking, why not?

Soon you will be amazed at how much you will be on top of your anxiety disorder.  You will actually be looking forward to going to work. Life will be for the living, and your workstation will be very vibrant. If your supervisor has something to complain about, let it be the weather or the politics, not your work. When you wake in the morning, spoil yourself with a warm, shampooed shower that would make shampoo commercials jealous. Go ahead and grab a heavy continental breakfast. Apply some roll-on under your armpits and zoom off to work. If you feel like shivering or trembling, blame it on the weather and throw a scarf over your shoulders. There will be a man in your life sooner rather than later. He might add some excitement, but you’re the main event here.

Lastly, keep showing up to work, even if you’d rather hibernate under your duvet. Money is important, and with your newfound zest for life, you’ll eventually look forward to those post-5 PM hours filled with self-love, relaxation, and maybe a glass of wine.

Hang in there, sis. This is just between you and me. Now go, conquer the world, and let me know when your boss starts singing your praises!

 

Uncle Issa

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