I Am Being Treated Like a Human Jukebox to Play My Guitar

Disclaimer: Please be aware that the preceding response contains elements of humour and sarcasm intended for entertainment. For professional guidance on psychological issues, please consult with a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist.

Ask Uncle Issa

Question:

Dear Uncle Issa. I am very musical. I can play many instruments, but I have chosen to specialize on the guitar. I can play most of the classics and make it sound like an orchestra. I can even play along to a song that I am hearing for the first time, which surprises many people. Sometimes I think I should quit school and join a band, but I love biology in particular and sciences in general and want to proceed with it to University, though I am not sure where that will take me. For now, it is just me and my guitar.

Because I Play the guitar very well, I am invited to many parties and homes to entertain people. I am especially at my element in birthday parties. People only need to request a number and I will happily play along. I am beginning to get the impression that I am only invited because of my guitar skills, not because of me or who I am. I long for that day when I will be invited on condition that I leave my guitar behind. People only think of the guitar and the number they will request. My playing is more important than me. They treat me like a juke-box or a CD player. What do your advice? Should I do something else, like play tennis or hockey for instance?

Answer:

Hello, music buff. I am musical too and you will frequently see me with earphones – listening to music. So you have come with a musical problem to the right person. You must be describing an acoustic guitar, because that’s the one that can sound like an orchestra. See, Musician? I understand music. I can also whistle along a tune I have never heard before so you and your guitar are not entirely unique. As you say, maybe you should just quit school and join a band. However, you will lose out on the Biology lessons that you love so much. Not that it will matter, but one day you might contribute to a discussion and say that humans are descended from penguins, because both species are two-legged, or that plants are not living things because they do not walk about.  Stay in school, and keep playing your guitar.

Own up, Guitar Player. You love entertaining people, otherwise, why do you show up in parties in the first place. Follow your heart, because you are a natural entertainer. That is why you would contemplate joining a band – to entertain people. In any case, who would invite a novice guitar player to a party just to make noise that sounds like music? No one will invite you on condition that you leave your guitar. Because that will never happen, be in control. Decline to go to parties where you feel you will be used or not respected and if you feel you want to attend a party and not play, leave your guitar at home. you’re not obligated to be the entertainment committee for every party. Your hosts will be surprised and disappointed, but it is unlikely they will tell you to go away because you don’t have a guitar – unless every one of them has one. You can tell them you broke two strings and are planning to fix it over the next weekend because you do not have the money. Someone might even offer to buy the strings. Come to think of it – why don’t you charge to play in all those parties that you are invited to. It will be your chance to make some money and wipe away the tears of being used.

That’s my advice, artiste. Don’t play tennis or hockey. Both require you to play against someone else, but with a guitar, it is just you and your beloved guitar. Unless you want to smash your guitar like a rock star, in which case, tennis might be good practice for your swing.

 

Uncle Issa

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